If you are a woman, or man, heading into middle age and
you are living in a marriage that has somehow lost its spunk
and sparkle and feels more mundane than fulfilling, the fact
that "more than 50% of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce"
can be a very sobering statistic. You can read the data and
end up feeling that the success or failure of any
relationship- even yours after all these years- is still just
a coin toss. Maybe good intentions are not enough to sustain a
long lasting relationship but, if not, what else is needed?
According to the Center for Disease Control, the most often
cited reason for divorce is "irreconcilable differences". If
you read testimonies, or talk to friends who are divorced,
often "irreconcilable differences" come down to two people
living in the same space but leading disconnected, parallel
lives. I am not a divorce counselor but I am aware that there
are several variables that can have a very real and
significant impact on the longevity of a relationship. As a
physician, I recognize that emotional and psychological
factors often receive the most attention but I would contend
that there is something else at work undermining the health
of relationships, something physical that even medical
professionals too often overlook. I firmly believe that
the fact that many relationships falter in the middle-age
years is linked to the physiological fact that middle-aged
women and men suffer more from HORMONAL IMBALANCE.
Let me give you some background to substantiate this
theory. I am a practicing gynecologist who specializes in
human-identical hormone therapies* and natural medicine. Over
the past two decades, I have counseled and treated literally
thousands of women - and men - suffering from hormonal
imbalance. Most women will recognize that their hormones can
play havoc with their moods, energy level, overall feelings of
well-being and even their sex drive. They will also tell you
that an easy way to get them riled up is for the man in their
lives to ask: "Honey, are things really that bad or is it your
time of the month?" or, worse: "All I hear about is how tired
you are and how awful your hot flashes and night sweats are.
I'm just wondering... is there sex after menopause?"
Originally, I focused my practice on only female patients
and addressed the underlying physiological cause of menopausal
symptoms such as hot flashes, night sweats, irregular bleeding
and weight gain. I would have my patients take a saliva test
to establish a baseline individual hormonal profile, diagnose
where they had deficits of progesterone, estrogen and/or
testosterone and, then, prescribe a personalized prescription
of human-identical hormones to re-establish hormonal
equilibrium.
Almost without exception, my patients would return for a
follow-up visit and tell me that their physical symptoms were
gone and that they "felt like themselves again". What
initially surprised me was how many women would ecstatically
tell me that balancing their hormones had also impacted the
quality of their lives and their relationships. Now here was
the clincher: these women who were getting such good results
from their hormone therapies that they asked me if I could
also help their husbands.
That is how my practice expanded to include men. The fact
that, as men age, they too also go through "the change" is
still news to most people. By the time men are between the
ages of 40 and 55, they will experience a shift in their
hormone levels, particularly testosterone. In women, we call
this phase of hormone shifting "menopause"; in men, the
clinical term is "andropause". Unlike menopause, andropause
does not have a clear-cut signpost such as the cessation of
menstruation to mark their mid- life transition. Physical,
mental and emotional symptoms occur gradually and often go
undiagnosed. Symptoms of andropause my include lethargy, mood
swings, urinary problems, erectile dysfunction and depression.
Consider this very common scenario: a man and a woman have
been happily married in a warm and caring relationship for
twenty-plus years. Over the last several years it seems like
their calendars have gotten fuller, their conversations have
become more superficial, their tempers have gotten shorter,
their waist lines have gotten thicker and their libido has
fallen off the radar screen. One day, the husband wakes up and
thinks: "This isn't what my life was supposed to be like". He
examines his work life and finding it pretty much up-to-par
with his expectations, he looks at home to find a source for
his depression.
This same husband goes home and looks at his wife. She
seems fifteen pounds heavier than the last time he really
looked at her. He tries to talk to her but then retreats from
her constant stream of to-do lists and insinuations that he
doesn't do his part at home. He wants to make love but then
blames his erratic sexual performance on her hot flashes and
night sweats. Add in a couple of teenagers with their own
surging hormones and emotions and his home situation becomes
combustible. Is it any wonder that this man's marriage
relationship would falter?
Now change the scenario. Both this man and his wife
recognize that they are going through mid-life changes. They
understand that a shift in their hormone production will
inevitably result in some unpleasant physical, mental and
emotional changes. They seek professional help from a
knowledgeable physician and, as a result, are each motivated
to move forward with an individualized program of
human-identical hormone therapies.
After a couple of months, both husband and wife report that
they feel better, have more energy and have lost a couple of
pounds. They also share that they are both more calm allowing
them to communicate more caringly. Not to be ignored, they
find that they are now successfully having sex several times a
week. They realize that they will continue to have to
consciously work at the health of their relationship but they
believe that they now have a chance because they are no longer
victims of their own hormones.
They wonder: "Could there be a link between mid-life
hormone imbalances, mid-life crises and divorce?" From the
perspective of my years of clinical experience, I say
"Absolutely!"
Until next time...
Be well.
Dr. Randolph
As a woman enters her
mid-thirties and until she is in her late forties, she can be
said to be pre-menopausal. A woman in this lifecycle is in her
middle reproductive years. It is during these years that the
balance of hormones produced by the endocrine system first
begins to shift. Progesterone, the "feel good" hormone, is the
first hormone to decline and drops 120 times more rapidly than
estrogen.
